As a new mom one of the most common phrases you will hear from seasoned moms will be "don't worry, it will get better!" Now, not trying to be insensitive but that's not exactly what we want to hear. Sure, you would think that hearing it will get better would be reassuring, but due to hormones and sleep deprivation I didn't want to hear that. I wanted to hear, "don't worry, things will get better NOW"! I don't need the future, I don't need to hear how awesome it's going to be later, I want awesome now. I want all the pain from labor to subside, and start living my life with my baby. Nope. That's not what happens. It's tough, very tough. Here's my edition of A Life with a Newborn and my recovery process. Enjoy!
Now, throughout this I may doing some bullet points because they are common issues women go through and some I may talk about, there's really no method to my madness.
Breastfeeding:
- Myles was born with a tongue tie which the midwife told us right away, but since he was born out of the hospital they couldn't correct it right then and there.
- Had him latch anyway. I thought the latch was fine for the first few days when he was getting just the colostrum because I really didn't feel bad. I thought I was very lucky that breastfeeding came naturally and we were off to a great start. Then my milk came in on day three. Awesome I thought! Wrong. It was then that I realized that his latch was off, and milk would be flowing out of his mouth. This is also when my nipples were so cracked and bleeding due to him only sucking on my nipples the first few days, that the pain started. And man was it painful! I tried soaking/bathing them in breastmilk after a feeding and putting plenty of lanolin cream and it was just very painful. Due to this new toe curling pain and me crying every single time he tried latching on I started using the nipple shield to help the nipples heal. It was better than direct, but still extremely painful. I felt defeated.
- Something to note about Myles. He gives absolutely NO warning when he's hungry. In the first few days he was so sleepy and tired it was really difficult trying to wake him up to eat. After that, he was eating anywhere from 2-3 hours apart. But when he woke up he was hungry and there was NO down time. He went from a sleeping angel to screaming like he was dying from hunger! This also made our breastfeeding relationship a little more difficult because I would try and get a good latch over and over again, and in the meantime I'm in so much pain physically and emotionally because he would get so frustrated and hearing him cry like that was seriously breaking my heart.
- Mastitis, aka new-mamas-haven't-been-through-enough-laboring-and-delivering-a-human-being-so-let's-give-them-more-shit-to-deal-with-itis. Uhhhh, seriously! First of all, I never even knew this was a thing. I obviously didn't do enough research on breastfeeding and possible complications that may arise because this is such a common issue women deal with! So on day four, I start feeling like I was getting a fever. I took my temperature with Myles' new fancy 2 second reading thermometer and it said 97.7. Okay, no fever. Must just be hormones and body adjusting. I take a nap. Woke up feeling really sick and knew I had a fever. Chills, achy, dizzy, and hot at the same time. Took it again and it still said 97.7. Got out our regular thermometer and it read 103.2! Stupid baby gimmicks that obviously don't work (not assuring by the way). Called Simona and she wrote the prescription and I began taking that. Fever went up to as high as 104, and I felt so helpless. Not only that, but trying to pump the infection out of the clogged duct was extremely painful. I was using heat packs, standing under the hot water in the shower trying to massage, but what ended up doing the trick is Jorge massaging it right before I pumped. It took about 3-4 days to finally feel better, but it was one of the most painful things I've ever felt.
- Took Myles to a specialist about the tongue tie and she was crazy. She told us that he would have to be put under anesthesia and it has to be done in the operating room! Are you crazy lady!? I'm not putting my newborn baby under that type of procedure. Forget it. So we got a second opinion from an awesome doctor out in Santa Monica who did it right then and there. No drugs or anesthesia, just a quick snip, pressure with gauze under tongue for a minute then he drank from the bottle right away. It bled just a little, and he slept for most of the rest of the day but after that he was great and learning how to use his tongue.
- Tried breastfeeding again after tongue tie was snipped and he had time to heal a bit (I'd been pumping during this time). We did a few sessions where I kept having him re-latch but overall it felt okay. But once again, that toe-curling pain came back and he was not latching correctly in the middle of the night. I couldn't handle him crying out of frustration and hunger anymore, and I was just an emotional wreck and physically in so much pain. I decided it wasn't in the cards for me as much as I really wanted to breastfeed and have that connection with him.
- Which brings us to now. I'm pumping every 3-4 hours which can be very exhausting, especially in the middle of the night when I'm up for two hours (feeding Myles, burping him, putting back to sleep, then pumping) and then get one hour of sleep before he's up again to eat! It's okay though, it's worth the effort. I am supplementing as well though. He wasn't getting enough nutrients from just my breastmilk so we've had him on a 50/50 feeding with half breastmilk and half formula meant for "supplementation for breastfeeding moms". Let me just say, as much as I wanted him exclusively on breastmilk I had to decide what was right for him and this is what he needed. In the end, that's all that matters. I needed to let go of all of my expectations and know I'm doing what's right for us, and I'm okay with that.
- Nipples are still very sensitive! If I get the chance I let them air out before putting a shirt on, but any friction under the shirt or breast pads cause some pain. Can't wait til that goes away!
Recovery down there:
- I had a pretty difficult recovery considering I didn't have anything major happen, I just underestimated (once again) how much my body went through during labor and delivering Myles.
- I had a slight tear on my labia which made everything down there feel extremely swollen and I was unable to really feel myself getting better. Every time I sat down to pee I felt I was stretching the skin apart and it was never going to get back to normal.
- Still have a lot of pelvic pressure pain when I go pee. Simona says I should go see a chiropractor to get an adjustment and make sure my pelvic bone is aligned. I've yet to go but definitely need to.
- They say since my labor and pushing took a long amount of time my recovery might be a little longer too, but at my last appointment they checked me and said everything looks to be fine and back in position, I just don't feel that yet.
Recommendations:
These are just some of the items I needed and totally recommend for any new mom, just in case!
- Frozen pads with witch hazel (I just picked out the largest ones possible and put witch hazel on them, and placed them in the freezer. These felt amazing while I was still swollen.)
- Tucks Witch hazel pads
- Squirt bottle with water while peeing
- Always brand wet wipes for restroom (this made me feel clean after using the restroom since I couldn't use toilet paper).
- Depends/diapers- sounds funny but I felt like they were extremely helpful and easy. At least until the bleeding stops.
- Lanolin or some type of nipple cream
- Nipple shield (just in case)
- Body Oil- I have the Burt's Bees Mama Bee body oil and like it. Jorge used this to massage my back, legs, whatever ached! It was nice having.
- Boppy or any type of breastfeeding pillow, whether it's used during breastfeeding or bottle feeding, it helps.
- Insulated cup for water (I always have ice in my water). I like the Tervis cups from Bed Bath & Beyond since the ice doesn't melt right away. Always, always, always drink at least one glass during breastfeeding!
Working out:
I've yet to get back to exercising but plan on starting slowly but surely. All I can suggest for others is to take it easy and really listen to how your body feels. My body isn't back to normal yet. I can feel comfortable walking right now but not more than that. I'll get into it eventually, but all I can recommend is to start when you feel like it and listen to your body. Everyone recovers differently. Just because Heidi Klum gave birth and a few weeks later walked the Victoria's Secret fashion show does not mean you can put yourself/your body through that. Don't get wrapped up in all the hype with Pinterest blogs saying how they were back to pre-pregnancy weight in one month! Give yourself time to relax (as much as possible) and enjoy your newborn. Just my two cents!
Sleep:
In the beginning sleep was very difficult for me, not Myles. He slept, ate every three hours, had his diaper changed, then slept some more. That's all he did. You would think with that kind of schedule I would be feeling great. Well I wasn't.
The first week or so was kind of crazy. Since we were home from day 1, we had visitors over constantly. Because I'm not wanting to come off as some bitchy, lazy, unappreciative person, I was saying I was always up for visitors. Now I know. Next baby (no plans on this for a long time right now) I will say absolutely no visitors unless they're there to make some food, clean the house, or something (I'm hoping this deters visitors in itself)! Note: this probably won't happen, but right now still feeling the way I do, I can say anything I want. Ha. Anyway, back to my soap box. People came over to visit Myles. That means me trying to look acceptable with actual clothes on instead of pajamas, makeup done, and having some energy to try and act super excited they're there. See how I come off as a bitchy lazy person? Yeah me too.
Well, to sum it up, I was exhausted. I spent days in labor with four hours of sleep. My body was deserving of some down time and it didn't get it. I should also mention we had to take Myles to the hospital two consecutive days in a row the day he was born for some blood tests to check for jaundice. He was fine. But that meant actual effort in my part to get up and go out each day. I was bitter that I wasn't getting the "sleep when he sleeps" crap and do you know what happens when a new mom doesn't get that? You get a hormonal, crying, over sensitive about everything mom. Not good for baby, not good for mom, and definitely not good for your sweet, caring husband who is trying to understand why you're crying over a picture that wasn't taken. Seriously, it happened.
Point of the story. Be alone! If people ask when they can come see the baby just nicely say you aren't having visitors just yet to have a special family bonding time. Most human beings will understand, if not oh well. They didn't just have a baby! No baby...no opinion! If they ask if you need help with anything, let them! You will feel so much better in the end. Trust me!
Our routine (most days):
Our day now goes a little something like this...(2 month mark)
- Wake up around 8ish. This is usually the time after he eats and doesn't want to go back into his bassinet. He wants to be held and have interaction with us.
- he eats every three hours right now, and on average eats 4oz of combined breastmilk and formula.
- Naps depend on the following circumstances. If he's held, he naps about 3-4 times a day for about 1.5-2 hours! If we try and put him down for a nap (swaddled in a blanket) he takes about 5 naps, but are on average only 20 minutes long. We really need him to get better at napping by himself, it's making chores very difficult to get done.
- Bath around 9:30, followed by a massage, swaddle, and last meal for the day. Note: he hates getting out of the bath. He cries the entire time we're massaging him (trying to calm him down) and dressing him for bed. He calms down to eat, and wears himself out so much he usually falls asleep while we burp him. And then he's down for the night! We've had a stretch of sleep as long as 7 hours up to now, but on average is 5-6 hours for the first stretch of sleep, and every 3 hours after that.
Special note for the dad's:
Give her some flowers or chocolates or anything that makes her happy every once in a while! She may be an emotional roller coaster like I was, and just being there, supporting her, helping out as much as possible means you're doing an amazing job also. But every once in a while a little reminder that you appreciate all she's done for you and is still doing for your baby is much appreciated. Trust me! Also, if she's breastfeeding get up and be the one getting her a glass of water in the middle of the night, ask if she needs a snack or back rub, and make sure she's eating enough during the day to keep up her supply! Is she's pumping and bottle feeding like we are, take turns on the night shifts so you both have enough sanity during the day to get through it smoothly! A sleep deprived mama is no good for anyone, trust me!
I have to say, Jorge was/has been a HUGE help. He really has been my rock. The first month he was able to take off work and stay home with the baby. He was there awake and holding my hand during those nights when I was trying to breastfeed and crying like a baby. He was there asking if he could get anything for me anytime of day. He helped me out of bed when I was still very sore and recovering. Not only was he doing everything possible for me and Myles, but he also did something more important than any other, and that was emotional support.
As mentioned before I was a hormonal mess, and he was there to listen to my thoughts, calm my fears, encourage when I was giving up, and reminding me how much he loves me. All of this was truly priceless, and I know how blessed I am to have him in my life.
I personally would also like to thank my Mom, Dad, and sister. We are very fortunate right now to be living with my parents while we're in the process of building out home. I honestly don't know what I would've (and still would) do without them. My mom washes and sanitizes all of his bottles everyday, and my Dad and sister are always on hand to help feed Myles or carry him when he won't let me put him down and I need to get things done! It seriously takes an army to raise a little one and I'm very lucky to have family around that want to help.
That's it for now, I'm sure I'll remember more about my recovery or things that helped me feel (a little more) back to normal. Congratulations to all the new mamas out there and soon to be moms. It is such a wonderful little blessing full of unconditional love like you've never experienced!
P.S. "It gets better..."
-Heather Ortiz, new mama
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